I know. I like the outline that I did for all three parts a few days ago, but it's such a dense and important topic that I might just keep all three parts high level like this for consistency sake and my own immediate term peace of mind. If the response to them is decent enough, I can always revisit the topic after "The Long Tomorrow" series finished up in late August 2025. Maybe a deeper dive, longer article series or maybe I just cut the crap and write another ebook on it. We will see . . . moralizing and preaching can wear thin on most people, so I have to temper that a bit too.
I could not have summed it up better than you did. Reading this was no coincidence, and it clearly defined what I couldn't in my head. I am a 1975 child. I love my parents, according to their friends, they are sincere, hardworking, and amazing people in general. I never knew my parents or my sister who is 8 years my senior. I was an only child who pretty much navigated through life as best as I could. I see people here not understanding the point of what you wrote, but it's clear and crystal to me. My parents loved me, but they were just busy all my life. As an adult, I've had to go to the abyss and back a few times, and as my 50th birthday is approaching I wish that as a young woman I could have realized the world I lived in was one full of the worst archetypes that manifested from a young age.
My parents never said, “ no” and money was not an issue. There were no consequences, and I usually got my way. The lack of parenting I don't blame my parents, I know how they were raised, and I understand the psychology behind the approach they took. I also know the past is the past and if I want to live there not much is going to happen.
No one taught me how to live, how to balance things in life. I was awful with money, I had no concept of spending more than I had, and my parents would always bail me out. I know people will read this and assume I had awful parents, but I didn't.
If you think this is confusing, believe me, it is.
I consider myself fortunate because up until the age of 33, I was a mess. I lived in a state of illusions and fantasies, and I had no clue who I was. I numbed a lot of pain with opiates from 24- 31, I caused chaos, I thrived off of chaos because that is all I knew. My parents would pay for everything and pray I didn't do more damage. Yes, we know that was enabling. If I weren't able to wake up, after a NDE, I can't say where I would be.
I know so many parents who honestly don't understand where things went wrong, and I see them blaming and shaming themselves. In return, I see their adult children bitter, angry, and unable to express why. It's not so simple when you are completely lost, and can't follow the norms of society it's even harder when you have no sense of self. I watch too many families play the blame game and it only causes more tension.
People cannot change unless they can step outside of themselves and observe the situation in an unbiased way. Unfortunately, our mental health system is centuries behind and the ‘therapy’ today isn't of much use. Not when you are dealing with traumatic events or generational trauma. My biggest ally was myself and my curiosity to understand why. Why, why did I live in an illusion, Why did I hate who I was, why were my thoughts so toxic, why did I believe I was destined for nothing, just damned or cursed. Why was I living in self-pity and playing the victim? I lived with these ideas because I was never taught anything else, and I was delusional enough to believe that I was useless, damaged goods, and that was my fate.
I know a lot of people who feel lost. Most of my generation was left to our own devices, not everyone, but enough. I consider myself blessed, if it were not for divine intervention I don't think about where I could be.
I had to learn how to rewire a lifetime of programmed assumptions about life, myself, and who I was. I know how fortunate I am, but if you don't think that I don't think of all of the individuals who suffer in silence, because there are many, it takes up as much time as I allow.
I had to learn at 31 how to live. I also had to realize my parents didn't purposely do anything to hurt me, they just didn't know.
I didn't know the psychological aspects that caused me to be self-destructive, and I raised myself so how could I? It took a lot of honesty to heal, from all sides. I don't claim to have the answers or know anything, I know my ‘ self’ and my ‘ego self’ that ran rampant because my mind was not able to think any differently. I don't think anyone has had a perfect life and if that is the persona they play, it's not true. I think that in 2025 the most important question we should be asking is, “ Am I positive that how I do things in life may not be in my best interest?”
If you feel that life is unlucky, or find yourself asking, “Why does this happen to me, and not anyone else, Why is it that no matter how hard I try things seem to go wrong?” Why does life feel like a battle and why can't I just be happy, You are asking poisonous questions, but you are not aware that it is these exact thoughts that cause you to stay in the cycle of misery. It's not your fault, it's no one's fault. Chances are you never had a solid foundation to begin with, and that is why everything seems so dark.
I wish I could free people from their soul cage, but I can't, only they can become mindful that something is wrong, and it has to be addressed.
We don't come with manuals, and I know my parents did what they thought was the best thing to do. I don't live in the past, but it made me who I am today, and I love that person. All you need to know is yourself and to love yourself regardless of what your mind chatter or others who don't know anything about you say.
The author writes" Gen X children often came home to empty houses, heated their own canned soup, and discovered consequences the hard way—skinned knees on concrete playgrounds, overdraft fees on first checking accounts."
This idea that the parents of Boomer did more for their kids is nonsense. Parents with a lot of kids did not have the time or the energy to help with their kid's problems. The flip side is Boomers and first wave GenXers grew up in neighborhoods with lots of kids. Kids did get mentored, by other kids who were not inclined to baby them.
As the number of kids dried up, then you get the empty house thing because there weren't other kids your age and sex on the same block. So you had nowhere to go other than your empty house.
I can’t speak, and don’t think I did, about Greatest Generation-to-Boomer parenting or Boomer-to-Gen X parenting. My parents were a lot older when they had me (Greatest Generation-to-Gen X), so what I described there was actuality and reality for me and the other people I’ve met in life with similar age differences between them and their parents. Maybe that is the real takeaway? I will have to think on and research that more though . . .
Well you did say this "Not every Boomer coasted—but the macro-environment allowed parents to mop up broken glass before kids stepped on it, replace toys instead of repairing them,"
Parents mop up broken glass? If a kid broke a glass, they would clean it up quick and hope their folks didn't find out. And you are implying that GenX kids repaired their own toys when they broke? I very much doubt that. When I was a kid, if a toy broke, it broke, I never heard of anyone getting a replacement. There was no need. With multiple siblings and kids in the neighborhood there was enough to go around.
"and lean on emerging safety nets when personal failures grew too large."
To what are your referring here? Safety nets have grown over time, the next generation had more than we did, and we had more than the generation before us. For example, when our generation had kids, women working at big corporations with good benefits got five weeks maternity leave, there was no paternity leave. Nowadays both parents get leave and lots more of it. OTOH our parent's generation had no maternal leave--when a married women got pregnant; she lost her job.
You are skipping the Silent (1926-1945) Greatest was before them. You probably had Silent parents as did I. I’m a 1959 cohort, #2 of 4, my father was an early-wave Silent (b 1928). My best friend growing up was #10 of 11, his father was born in 1918, and was a WW II vet. Lots of my friends were younger kids and had Greatest gen dads. They’d been in a war, never talked about it, it’s crazy it never even occurred to us that some of the dads on the block had been in the war and maybe had seen some shit.
A little simplistic but I guess it has to be to fit into this short intro format
Interested to see where you take this brother…
I know. I like the outline that I did for all three parts a few days ago, but it's such a dense and important topic that I might just keep all three parts high level like this for consistency sake and my own immediate term peace of mind. If the response to them is decent enough, I can always revisit the topic after "The Long Tomorrow" series finished up in late August 2025. Maybe a deeper dive, longer article series or maybe I just cut the crap and write another ebook on it. We will see . . . moralizing and preaching can wear thin on most people, so I have to temper that a bit too.
I could not have summed it up better than you did. Reading this was no coincidence, and it clearly defined what I couldn't in my head. I am a 1975 child. I love my parents, according to their friends, they are sincere, hardworking, and amazing people in general. I never knew my parents or my sister who is 8 years my senior. I was an only child who pretty much navigated through life as best as I could. I see people here not understanding the point of what you wrote, but it's clear and crystal to me. My parents loved me, but they were just busy all my life. As an adult, I've had to go to the abyss and back a few times, and as my 50th birthday is approaching I wish that as a young woman I could have realized the world I lived in was one full of the worst archetypes that manifested from a young age.
My parents never said, “ no” and money was not an issue. There were no consequences, and I usually got my way. The lack of parenting I don't blame my parents, I know how they were raised, and I understand the psychology behind the approach they took. I also know the past is the past and if I want to live there not much is going to happen.
No one taught me how to live, how to balance things in life. I was awful with money, I had no concept of spending more than I had, and my parents would always bail me out. I know people will read this and assume I had awful parents, but I didn't.
If you think this is confusing, believe me, it is.
I consider myself fortunate because up until the age of 33, I was a mess. I lived in a state of illusions and fantasies, and I had no clue who I was. I numbed a lot of pain with opiates from 24- 31, I caused chaos, I thrived off of chaos because that is all I knew. My parents would pay for everything and pray I didn't do more damage. Yes, we know that was enabling. If I weren't able to wake up, after a NDE, I can't say where I would be.
I know so many parents who honestly don't understand where things went wrong, and I see them blaming and shaming themselves. In return, I see their adult children bitter, angry, and unable to express why. It's not so simple when you are completely lost, and can't follow the norms of society it's even harder when you have no sense of self. I watch too many families play the blame game and it only causes more tension.
People cannot change unless they can step outside of themselves and observe the situation in an unbiased way. Unfortunately, our mental health system is centuries behind and the ‘therapy’ today isn't of much use. Not when you are dealing with traumatic events or generational trauma. My biggest ally was myself and my curiosity to understand why. Why, why did I live in an illusion, Why did I hate who I was, why were my thoughts so toxic, why did I believe I was destined for nothing, just damned or cursed. Why was I living in self-pity and playing the victim? I lived with these ideas because I was never taught anything else, and I was delusional enough to believe that I was useless, damaged goods, and that was my fate.
I know a lot of people who feel lost. Most of my generation was left to our own devices, not everyone, but enough. I consider myself blessed, if it were not for divine intervention I don't think about where I could be.
I had to learn how to rewire a lifetime of programmed assumptions about life, myself, and who I was. I know how fortunate I am, but if you don't think that I don't think of all of the individuals who suffer in silence, because there are many, it takes up as much time as I allow.
I had to learn at 31 how to live. I also had to realize my parents didn't purposely do anything to hurt me, they just didn't know.
I didn't know the psychological aspects that caused me to be self-destructive, and I raised myself so how could I? It took a lot of honesty to heal, from all sides. I don't claim to have the answers or know anything, I know my ‘ self’ and my ‘ego self’ that ran rampant because my mind was not able to think any differently. I don't think anyone has had a perfect life and if that is the persona they play, it's not true. I think that in 2025 the most important question we should be asking is, “ Am I positive that how I do things in life may not be in my best interest?”
If you feel that life is unlucky, or find yourself asking, “Why does this happen to me, and not anyone else, Why is it that no matter how hard I try things seem to go wrong?” Why does life feel like a battle and why can't I just be happy, You are asking poisonous questions, but you are not aware that it is these exact thoughts that cause you to stay in the cycle of misery. It's not your fault, it's no one's fault. Chances are you never had a solid foundation to begin with, and that is why everything seems so dark.
I wish I could free people from their soul cage, but I can't, only they can become mindful that something is wrong, and it has to be addressed.
We don't come with manuals, and I know my parents did what they thought was the best thing to do. I don't live in the past, but it made me who I am today, and I love that person. All you need to know is yourself and to love yourself regardless of what your mind chatter or others who don't know anything about you say.
The author writes" Gen X children often came home to empty houses, heated their own canned soup, and discovered consequences the hard way—skinned knees on concrete playgrounds, overdraft fees on first checking accounts."
This idea that the parents of Boomer did more for their kids is nonsense. Parents with a lot of kids did not have the time or the energy to help with their kid's problems. The flip side is Boomers and first wave GenXers grew up in neighborhoods with lots of kids. Kids did get mentored, by other kids who were not inclined to baby them.
As the number of kids dried up, then you get the empty house thing because there weren't other kids your age and sex on the same block. So you had nowhere to go other than your empty house.
I can’t speak, and don’t think I did, about Greatest Generation-to-Boomer parenting or Boomer-to-Gen X parenting. My parents were a lot older when they had me (Greatest Generation-to-Gen X), so what I described there was actuality and reality for me and the other people I’ve met in life with similar age differences between them and their parents. Maybe that is the real takeaway? I will have to think on and research that more though . . .
Well you did say this "Not every Boomer coasted—but the macro-environment allowed parents to mop up broken glass before kids stepped on it, replace toys instead of repairing them,"
Parents mop up broken glass? If a kid broke a glass, they would clean it up quick and hope their folks didn't find out. And you are implying that GenX kids repaired their own toys when they broke? I very much doubt that. When I was a kid, if a toy broke, it broke, I never heard of anyone getting a replacement. There was no need. With multiple siblings and kids in the neighborhood there was enough to go around.
"and lean on emerging safety nets when personal failures grew too large."
To what are your referring here? Safety nets have grown over time, the next generation had more than we did, and we had more than the generation before us. For example, when our generation had kids, women working at big corporations with good benefits got five weeks maternity leave, there was no paternity leave. Nowadays both parents get leave and lots more of it. OTOH our parent's generation had no maternal leave--when a married women got pregnant; she lost her job.
You are skipping the Silent (1926-1945) Greatest was before them. You probably had Silent parents as did I. I’m a 1959 cohort, #2 of 4, my father was an early-wave Silent (b 1928). My best friend growing up was #10 of 11, his father was born in 1918, and was a WW II vet. Lots of my friends were younger kids and had Greatest gen dads. They’d been in a war, never talked about it, it’s crazy it never even occurred to us that some of the dads on the block had been in the war and maybe had seen some shit.